Thursday, January 28, 2010

Stealing Kisses

For the past few weeks, I've been finding myself hovering over my sleeping children, particularly my little boys (not that I don't hover over Avyn, because I do, but not for too long because I don't want to wake her). I was reading an article a while back, written by another mom, and she said "always kiss your kids goodnight, even if they have already fallen asleep." Well, I kiss my kids before they go to sleep every night, and I didn't need an article to tell me to do that, but it did bring about some other ideas that I want to do for my children. So, lately I have been going into Fisher and London's room at night and curling up to each of them, holding them, kissing them, stroking their sweet little faces and soft tufts of hair, telling them over and over how much I love them. I spend time praying for them. I pray for their future - starting school, discovering what they want to be when they grow up, becoming Godly men, being wonderful husbands and great dads - all the stuff that I could possibly want for them, as well as the stuff I don't want to be a part of their lives - drugs, diseases, loneliness, tolerance, a "lukewarm" relationship with God. I almost always end up crying, but not just because I get so caught up thinking about how these moments will pass so quickly and how I'll never get them back, but about what kind of example I'm setting for them as their mom, as a Godly woman. Am I doing enough? Do I lead them down paths of righteousness or paths of destruction with my actions? Am I being the mother that God intends for me to be to these little blessings that He has entrusted me with? I don't know for sure. I do know that I can always do more, I can always strive to be better, and I sure hope that I'm on the right path.


Jolana said...

Feydra, I didn't know you had a blog, but I have been in tears reading it. Eventhough I knew what was going on with Fisher, to hear it from a mother's side is gut wrenching. I don't say that to upset you, I'm sure you're already emotional, if not suicidal after such a long car ride in a shoe box with 4 kids (including Paul, ha ha) but my heart really goes out to you. You always seem to have it together, and Feydra you really do. You are the backbone of your family, and God is giving you all those instincts that you have and I couldn't be more certain that God has led you in the right direction this week and I am so looking forward to your next post to let us all know how things are going. Please post updates every day that you're in Ohio, eventhough you'll be tired at nights, please take time to let us all know, you have hundreds if not thousands of people anxiously awaiting to see what God has prepared for you in ohio. I love you all ! Jolana

Caryn H said...

Thanks for sharing this. I love it and I'm glad your kids have a mama like you. :) I will be praying for Fisher. Love you guys.